Beery farewell to an old drinking mate

Dear Pub X,

Our relationship was supposed to last forever. You were there for my first beer and we shared a love affair with the brews that brought so much joy.

But now there are too many troughs. The fizz has gone from our beer relationship. Our time together is flat. So now it is time to leave.

Unfortunately, you have haven’t grown as a beer person like me. Our tastes have changed and it has eventually soured our relationship. So we must break-up. After more than 30 years we’ve run dry as a partnership.

Take just last week as an example. The weekly Thursday night gathering started badly when there was very little interest in the tap discussion.

You know we are now more adventurous in what we put to our lips. Bland lager no longer cuts it. Yet you turn you back on our interests, instead dishing up one of the most boring keg lists in the country.

I counted 23 handles that were cheating us. We wanted satisfaction. But apart from the 4 Pines Kolsch you just couldn’t live up to your vows.

All you were interested in was flirting with the big boys. There was Carlton Mid, Coopers Pale, Lazy Yak (who drinks that?), Hahn Super Dry, Hahn Super Dry 3.5, Emu Draught, Stella Artois, Heineken, Carlton Dry, Guinness, Kilkenny, Peroni and Victoria Bitter. They mean nothing to me now.

Everyone knows 150 Lashes is uber popular with your other friends and there were two faucets running that night. I just want more stimulation.

Even a Feral Hop Hog with dinner every now and then might spice up our time. Couldn’t we enjoy a Pirate Life something and sail towards the unknown? What’s wrong with a Nail Red to enjoy the hops? Can’t we embrace a Cowaramup Pilsner? And I know it is just too much to ask for a Balter XPA.

Anything new and enticing to enhance our times together.

I look back when we first met in the mid-1980s and our fondness to sit together and sample an Emu Draught. Back then we had little else. We were happy to settle for second best.

Still, we loved having the final two periods on Fridays at school free to change into tradies gear and act a year above 17 to sneak in a couple of frothies. Those days are long gone.

Over the ensuing years I’ve relocated, travelled and visited many other places that have shifted my beer boundaries. And while the old school lads have been happy to get together for the rendezvous each week the strain of pretending has taken a personal toll.

So Pub X, it was fun while it lasted. However, the excitement has gone. It is a chore to go through the motions when on the first sip of the standard stock of beers there is an overwhelming feeling of regret.

I’m sure you’ll find someone else. You’ve always been resilient and others will be content with your circumstances.

But not me. I’m now on a good beer journey and am looking forward to the next challenge.

Just without you.